The Good Bad Friend

So today I did something I don’t normally do. I met up with a friend who I thought was no longer my friend. Why did I think this? Well, following my marriage and birth of my son, I really didn’t hear from this person. And let me just clarify that we were friends friends. People have different groups of friends, your best friends, co-worker friends, friends who used to be close with but you no longer are, the friends you party with etc. This was a co-worker friend who turned into a friend friend. We would go out to events together, drinks and we talked a lot of our families and relationships etc. I had this friend at my house for Christmas!

Anyway, to be honest, I hadn’t heard from quite a few people, family members even. I just thought that as I was going through this transitional period (marriage + baby) in my life I would lose many friends.

But anyway, this one friend in particular, I thought we were done. I didn’t want anyone to badmind me or my family. Badmind – have negative thoughts or ill will towards you. So I literally blocked this friend on social media, like no you will not have access to me or my family via social media or any other means for that matter. So yup, block.

But then, I remembered that I am a Christian and I’m to be more like Christ. Christ came to save those who are lost and literally be a listening ear to those who needed to talk or help with things – little or big. So anywho, I reached out to this friend. Like yeah yeah, how are you, we should meet up etc. etc. Okay cool, we’re moving in the right direction.

Literally 4 weeks had passed and I don’t hear from this person. This person was supposed to let me know they’re schedule for us to meet as I had already told her mine. So now I’m like okay? What did I do wrong? Did she just blow me off?

At the age that I’m at, I’ve obviously seen friends’ come and go. So, I know who my friends are and TBH I’m not to keen on making new friends because I just feel like I have my circle and that’s all I need. So for me to be vulnerable enough and let this new friend into my bubble and them blow me off… It’s like see? This is why I don’t make new friends *sings DJ Khaled’s no new friends*

Okay so anyway, I’m in my feelings about this situation. One day, I’m doing my devotion. The scripture was: “Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men” –Titus 3:1. The devotion peace that really spoke to me was: “Is there unresolved conflict between me and someone else that is like a shade pulled over the light of Christ in me?” –Oswald Chambers. UMM HELLO? This devotion was speaking right to me, no, the Holy Spirit was. I had to make myself vulnerable and reach out to my friend again, had to put my pride aside.

So, I did just that. A response was received, we set up a date. The date came, we met up and we talked. So why did she ghost me?? So I learned that my friend was actually not okay (this is what I was afraid of) and she was literally going through a rough time at the same time that I was going through my happy times. She told me that she didn’t know how to be happy for me because of all that was happening in her world. And I felt that. Like okay this makes sense. And we continued to talk and the line of communication was opened.

What I learned from this conversation was that mentally, not everyone is where you are. Everyone is going through life at their own pace, and their own ups and downs. And they’re going through life the way they know how. But what I tried to convey here is that in any friendship, I feel like we just have to be honest with each other. I know this can be hard, but, keeping it real is the best way so we know where we’re at. If you’re going through something, and you’re my friend, I’m going through it too. I don’t know how to be genuine friends with someone and not be there for them when shit hits the fan. That’s just me. So, there’s no real bad friend here, just 2 people who got lost in the communication and life’s obstacles.

What I really learned was that as a Jesus follower, I really have to not take things so personal. Because honestly, I was hurt and I could have just held onto the hurt and not forgive the person and just be done with the whole friendship altogether because of the hurt and hold a grudge. But honestly, so many of the women in my family do this – hold grudges and I honestly believe it leads to sickness later on in life. I’m learning to forgive and let it go.

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Ephesians 4:32 NLT

Do you have someone you need to forgive? Let’s chat!